Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
