so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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