i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
