Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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