yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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