There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
