i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
