I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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