I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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