My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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