whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
