I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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