She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
