I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
