he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
