her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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