Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
