I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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