i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
