12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
