she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
