yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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