You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
