I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
