The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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