why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
