I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
