when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
