Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
