The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
