I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
