From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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