I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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