How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
