Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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