I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
