OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
