the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
