were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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