I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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