in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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