We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize