We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you never un-have a 4some
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
