Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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