I think my vagina is haunted
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
