And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
