In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
