Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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