i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
