john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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