Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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