my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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