come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
