I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
