Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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