So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
