I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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