I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it glows. i had to have it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
