Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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