If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
