No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
