my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
