You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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