**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
