I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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