I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize