What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
