Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
