She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
