What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
