Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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