Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
