ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
