I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
